How to holistically attend to and manage EMOTIONS and FEELINGS

III. I have identified a FEELING, now what do I do?

If your body and mind have accepted and welcomed the initial sensation triggered by some kind of activation of energy, if you have opened your heart and respected the developmental process of the initial activation, as if it were a biological pregnancy, the initial sensation will transform into emotion, and emotion into feeling. This will allow the mind to identify its vital content. Without this process of transformation, the mind could not identify it with the confidence given by this evidence.

Once you have identified one or more feelings, follow these steps:

  1. Focus the attention on a specific feeling, with the aim to receive, know and recognize it. Accept it fully as your own. Acknowledge it as a feeling that is part of you. It is yours and nobody else’s. The person or situation that has awakened you is the activator, but the feeling is “the child of your energy”, it is “your child”. (1)
  2. Give it legitimacy. The feeling is legitimate, whether it is constructive or destructive, whether it is a “healthy child” or a “child” with some “alteration or disability”, and whether it belongs to the present or belongs to the past, or to the present and the past at the same time. Feelings give information about the contents of vital energy and allow us to purify it. The contents of vital energy have the right to manifest and be recognized. In order to be transformed, feelings must be recognized, and in order to be recognized, they must be manifested. Therefore, when the vital energy manifests itself in the form of emotions and feelings, it is a great step forward in the transformation process, although its manifestation may be unpleasant, uncomfortable, disconcerting and / or uncertain. (2)
  3. Welcome the feeling and make peace with it. If it is a feeling that upsets you, such as anger, breathe, gather yourself, go for a walk… do the things that help you to relax. It is necessary that you take all the time you need to relax and make yourself available to listen to the feeling’s message. Let yourself be inspired by the wisdom of your unconscious and ability to manage it well.
  4. Listen to the feeling. If you have been following these steps, you will now feel relaxed and ready to be receptive to the information brought by this messenger that wants to bring light to dark areas of your inner world, and help the mind manage you well. Good management implies that the mind is well informed, so that it can discern whether the feeling belongs to the present or the past, or participates in both. The mind must also discern what is constructive from what is destructive, since the task of the mind is to nourish, encourage and reinforce the constructive aspects of feeling, and stop feeding the destructive aspects. Although situations arise which are sometimes difficult and uncomfortable, we can consider the associated feelings as invaluable treasures. They give us information about possible conflicts hidden in dark areas, far from our ordinary consciousness, which we would otherwise not be able to purge and heal.
  5. Discernment of the mind. Once each and every one of the previous steps has been consolidated, the mind will be able to discern what belongs to the present and what to the past, and may decide to feed the constructive aspects of the feeling and not feed the destructive aspects. This is the second filter of purification of vital energy. The first is the body, which can be likened to a decanter that purifies water. The body purifies vital energy with its organs for filtering and drainage. This way of managing feelings is peaceful and does not involve struggle at any stage of the process.

The metaphorical example of this process described in the previous two articles is conception and gestation until delivery.

A step by step example can be read in the following article: How energy is transformed. Part 3: A detailed example. This was published in the blog in January 2018.

Other examples are the transformation process of a tree or plant.


(1) Know and recognize it. There are different degrees of knowledge. There are people who have a level 20 of knowledge, on a scale of 0 to 100, and they think they already have knowledge. We will never have, and can never have absolute knowledge. However, we can have more basic levels (more restricted knowledge) or higher degrees (a wider knowledge). To take responsibility for ourselves, whether to feed constructive aspects or weaken destructive ones, requires a high or broad level of knowledge, knowledge that leaves no room for doubt. I do not have the necessary knowledge to fly an airplane, and it is likely that neither do you. We therefore cannot assume the responsibility of piloting it. This underlines the importance of the term recognize, which means to know again and again what you think you already know. When I mentioned focusing attention, I was referring to an active, alert, but relaxed and deeply receptive attention.

(2) Giving a feeling legitimacy does not mean adopting it, let alone carrying it out. Giving it legitimacy and accepting it as our own means that even if the “contamination” of energy was caused by external elements in the past, such as inadequate conception, conflictive relationships between our parents or others during the pregnancy, or during the first years of our life, the conflict is now ours alone. This means that healing it requires that you recognize it and assume full responsibility. This does not mean that you cannot ask for help if you need it, but you have to ask for it without being demanding and without projecting your conflict onto the other, or giving anyone else a responsibility that does not correspond to them, since it is exclusively yours.



There are practices that can help you to strengthen some of the steps mentioned: contemplative meditation is one of them. Find a quiet place where you can be with yourself, breathe rhythmically and consciously, and enter a state of relaxation. This can help you with any of the previous steps, especially 3 and 4. Go for a walk in nature with open and receptive senses. Let yourself be inspired by the coherence of nature, its colours and sounds, by the air, the light…

Ask for a verbal expression AGREEMENT. Ask a person you trust if they can accept your verbal expression, in silence and without intervening at any time. Agree the place and time. It is very important that the person who receives your verbal expression agrees to NOT INTERVENE AT ANY TIME, not even at the end. It is a verbal expression without receiving feedback. With this kind of verbal expression it is important to focus on what the speaker feels, experiences or awakens, and on the constructive aspects of feeling as a way of feeding it. Talking about the destructive aspects can encourage strengthening them instead of weakening them. There is a basic rule that should never be ignored: those who express themselves verbally should never evaluate or make judgments about the other, but should always refer to their own experience and feelings. You can start the sentences with these or similar terms: «I feel…». «What I am experiencing is ……». «This is triggered in me …», etc.

Release aggression on a pillow or mattress. To achieve an ideal state of relaxation, it may sometimes be useful to release the excessive intensity of a feeling, for example anger, by hitting a symbolic object: a pillow or mattress. It is important to involve the body in the release. If the situation and environment allow it, it is advisable to accompany the physical release with emotional and verbal release.

Forgiveness. It is necessary to encourage forgiveness towards yourself and others, to avoid guilt and to release from responsibility other people who in the past were perhaps active agents in the provocation of the conflict that affects you. The past was what it was, it cannot be changed, but it can be “released”, that is, forgiven. The attitude towards the past can be changed. This is how its influence diminishes in you, and also in those who, without knowing it, perhaps collaborated in the establishment of the conflict that affects your present, surely with good intention, since good intention is no guarantee of avoiding mistakes.



Love. Desire. Joy. Hate. Rejection. Sadness. Dread. Pleasure. Despair. Anger. Courage. Hope. Peace. Indifference. Jealousy. Fear. Shyness. Excitement. Resentment. Insecurity.


There is a situation that would require a slightly different approach. I refer to feelings that are aroused by situations that clearly belong to the present, and do not carry the burden of the past. This would be the subject of a new article, and I will therefore leave it for another occasion.


Ramon V. Albareda
Psychologist. Theologian. Sexologist
Creator of ESTEL, Centre for Personal Growth and
School of Integral Studies


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